Teaching your children independence and self-reliance

Natural Health - Children's Health & Wellbeing

Childhood years are the best times for children. Life is spread out before them and there is so much to find out about. They are like sponges – ready to absorb anything and everything, which is why parents should take advantage of these learning years to ingrain the values of life in their children.

As a parent it is your responsibility to teach your children positive habits so that they will learn to see the beauty that life has to offer. Make them enthusiastic about life and the world they live in. Whatever you do with them make it fun, make it a happy time, full of joy and excitement. Instill into their hearts and minds all the wonders and magnificence of being alive by living life to its fullest in a positive way. These memories will remain with them forever. Remember, for children this does not mean expensive trips it can also mean a walk to the park where they can play on the swings and have chips on the way home – it is not what you do it is how you do it. This simple little trip can be an exciting afternoon for a young child and a special time shared with his parents. Hours in the car to go somewhere and queue for hours to go on a ride etc., is not always the fun that adults think it is! Take them to nature reserves and open their eyes to the natural world and its many creatures, plants etc. teach them to respect life in all forms. Children love to find out about things and love it more when their parents show them.

There’s a great deal of difference between children learning through self-discovery, and children learning through self-discovery with proper guidance. The first things that children learn are usually the things that stay with them and mold their formative years until they reach adulthood.

With self-discovery through proper guidance, you will be able to leave room for them to develop independence and self-reliance. At the same time, show them what is right and what is wrong. Give them explanations as to why something is wrong and if possible, give them examples based on true-to-life events to make them more convincing and realistic. The more realistic they are, the more easily children are convinced. Likewise, try teaching them in a friendly and humorous atmosphere. Children are more attentive and eager to learn when everyone is relaxed and having fun. You will know and feel their eagerness to learn through the sparkle in their eyes and by the way they answer your questions and ask their own. You can be sure that what they learn from you is acceptable to them and will stay with them. That is why, as a parent, you need to be honest and up front with your children. If you do not know something, tell them and suggest you find out together, either from the library or the internet. Nobody knows it all and that is something children also need to know and accept.

Perhaps you feel that you do not have the time to do anything with your children and you feel they should learn through unguided self-discovery. To a certain extent, self-discovery is good since it develops full independence and self-reliance. However, the learning process will be much slower and a real trial and error experience for children. They have to segregate the good from the bad, the right from the wrong, what they like and what they don’t. It is more than likely that they will like things that come easily to them or things they enjoy the most. Unfortunately the things that they enjoy the most are not necessarily good ones. Without proper guidance, what they like and enjoy the most might actually be damaging their sense of the world they live in although they will be totally unaware of it. This will in turn affect their outlook on life and the choices they make.

There is one other method for children to learn. It is through guidance which leaves negligible room for self-discovery. There are specific drawbacks with this method that are detrimental to producing a fully independent self reliant adult. With this sort of guidance you are taking away from them the benefits of self-reliance and independence. The guidance you devote to them may be good and well intended, but they should not rely on you for almost everything they need to do. They will become decision-dependent on you and be unable to decide for themselves what to do. In fact it is agreed that this type of guidance is often worse than giving no guidance at all.

There are some parents who, having experienced hardships during their childhood, strived, and become successful financially, feel that their children should undergo the same sort of difficult experience they underwent in their younger years, even though they themselves are in a financial position to guide and assist their children to a better life. Their reasoning is that their children will value the experience and appreciate what they have. This may be applicable to stubborn and rebellious youngsters, but not to disciplined ones. Why must their sons and daughters repeat the same difficulties? There’s no reason and it is rather like punishing the innocent for not having had the same life experience as they did. Instead of forcing this experience on your children you should learn from it. Life is too short to repeat unsavory experiences.

One of the best ways to broaden your children’s knowledge about life is by travelling. The world - its variety of people, places, and cultures - has so much information to offer. It is perhaps as important as the conventional classroom. If you are financially able, travelling is one of the best educational experiences you can give your children. Look for exhibits or world fairs, and take your children there. Books are the next best things. It’s travelling by reading.

Fill your children with thoughts of self-importance, confidence, and positive attitude so that there will be no room for negative thinking. More importantly, if you fill their world with laughter, love, and understanding you will never go wrong.

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