I know we all feel that we do this anyway, but do we, how often are you caught out when they then say, after telling us something, 'What do you think mummy?' and your mind has been somewhere else? If I am honest this has happened to me and it took a while for me to realise that unless I listened to them, how did I expect my children to listen to me.  Thank goodness this realisation happened when they were quite young so by the time they had reached the 'difficult' age we were communicating and listening to each other.  This made all the difference in their behaviour and was something I felt really good about, knowing that they would talk to me about anything on their minds as well as listening to what I had to say.

Communicating with our children can be a difficult task at times.  We feel like they're not listening to us; they feel like we're not listening to them.  Good listening and communications skills are essential to successful parenting.  Your child's feelings, views and opinions have worth, and you should make sure you take the time to sit down and listen openly and discuss them honestly.

Unfortunately sometimes we seem to have a natural tendency to react rather than to respond.  We pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences.  However, responding means being receptive to our child's feelings and emotions and allowing them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear of repercussion from us.  If we react before listening, we send our child the message that their feelings and opinions are invalid.  But by responding and asking questions about why the child feels that way, it opens a dialog that allows them to discuss their feelings further, and allows you a better understanding of where they're coming from.  This also gives you an opportunity to work out a solution or a plan of action with your child that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own.  Your child will also appreciate the fact that maybe you do indeed understand how they feel.  

It's crucial in these situations to give your child your full and undivided attention.  Put down your newspaper, stop doing dishes, or turn off the television so you can hear the full situation and make eye contact with your child.   Keep calm, be inquisitive, and afterwards offer potential solutions to the problem.  

Don't discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated.  Our initial instinct may be to say or do something to steer our child away from it, but this can be a detrimental tactic. Again, listen to your child, ask questions to find out why they are feeling that way, and then offer potential solutions to alleviate the bad feeling.

Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult situations.  By actively listening and participating with our child as they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from.  Remember, respond - don't react.